Lolz at old facebook. I just stumbled on a bunch of old friends' entries during procrastination. Jezz waterandblade killed this journal. Not that I even use waterandblade all that often. Peace, gangsters.

new blog, it's mostly a training journal, but many other things as well

http://waterandblade.livejournal.com/

Old post from April... 10th?, 2005:

ever had one of those days where you can feel yourself change and you can feel the world changing too quickly. One of those days you will always remember. One of those days that is so fun but makes you want to cry. One of those days where you feel like you will go on but it will never be the same. Today was one of those days.

Jacked from Connor:

RULES:
1. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. Press forward for each question.
3. Use the song title as the answer to the question even if it doesn’t make sense.


1 ) HOW ARE YOU FEELING TODAY?


Turn Off The Radio - Dead Prez


2 ) WILL YOU GET FAR IN LIFE?


Closing Time - Tom Waits


3 )HOW DO YOUR FRIENDS SEE YOU?


Lilac Wine - Katie Melua


4 ) WILL YOU GET MARRIED?


I Don't Care About That - Wheezer (although I really do...)


5 ) WHAT IS YOUR BEST FRIEND'S THEME SONG?


Note To Self - From First to Last


6 ) WHAT IS THE STORY OF YOUR LIFE?


It Never Rains in California - The Mamas and the Papas


7 ) WHAT WAS HIGH SCHOOL LIFE ?


Complicated - Avril Lavigne


8 ) HOW CAN YOU GET AHEAD IN LIFE?


God Bless The Child - Billie Holiday


9 ) WHAT IS THE BEST THING ABOUT YOUR FRIENDS?


makes me wonder - Maroon 5


10 ) WHAT IS IN STORE FOR THIS WEEKEND?


Stop This Train - John Mayer


11 ) TO DESCRIBE YOUR GRANDPARENTS?


Where is the Love - Black Eyed Peas feat. Justin Timberlake


12 ) HOW IS YOUR LIFE GOING?


Call Me Irresponsible - Michael Buble


13 ) WHAT SONG WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?

Love Will Tear Us Apart - Nouvelle Vague


14 ) HOW DOES THE WORLD SEE YOU?


Careful With That Aze, Eugene - Pink Floyd


15 ) WILL YOU HAVE A HAPPY LIFE?


Where There's Gold - Dashboard Confessional


16 ) WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS REALLY THINK OF YOU?


Crooks - Jerry Seinfeld


17 ) DO PEOPLE SECRETLY LUST AFTER YOU?


Change Your Mind - All American Rejects


18 ) HOW CAN I MAKE MYSELF HAPPY?


Talk To Me, Dance With Me - Hot Hot Heat


19 ) WHAT SHOULD YOU DO WITH YOUR LIFE?


Something - Jim Sturgess (Across the Universe Soundtracl)


20 ) WILL YOU EVER HAVE CHILDREN?


Shit Luck - Modest Mouse


21 ) WHAT SONG WOULD YOU STRIP TO?


Lounge - Modest Mouse


22 ) IF A MAN IN A VAN OFFERED YOU CANDY, WHAT WOULD YOU DO?


Bend & Break - Keane


23 ) WHAT DOES YOUR MOM THINK OF YOU?


We're All to Blame - Sum 41


24 ) WHAT IS YOUR DEEP DARK SECRET


Big Girls Don't Cry - Fergie


25 ) WHAT IS YOUR MORTAL ENEMY'S THEME SONG?


New American Classic - Taking Back Sunday


26 ) WHAT IS YOUR PERSONALITY LIKE?


Straight Shooting Woman - Steppenwolf


27 ) WHAT SONG WILL BE PLAYED AT YOUR WEDDING?


No Conclusion - Of Montreal

For the first time in a very long while, I am having issues defining who I am and whether or not the person who I have become is true to my nature.

There were always some things which were clear to me, and now it is those which were clear that are the most questioned.

They say that college is where one discovers his or her true self.

At what point does one decided between the self that occurs as a result of necessity or the self that is occurs as a result of inner truth?

Are they polar opposites or similar?

Is there truth within ourselves and how do we find it? At what point to we know whether our motives are true or are fables we tell ourselves so we can feel that we adhere to our own moral code?

Is my dream my own or is it the dream of those around me? Is it right to sacrifice the present in order to preserve a future that may never occur?

At what point we go from correcting our flaws to covering them? Is it more true to one's self to embrace one's flaws rather than try and correct them?

If so, how do we better ourselves?

At what point does one not get up and continue the fight after being knocked down? Where is the line drawn between reward and self-injury? Is it ever right to give up the fight that is in your heart?

How do we balance the mind and the soul? How do we know which is speaking to us? How do we know which is correct?

Is knowledge sin? Are we meant to be eternally blissful and ignorant under the protection of God? If yes, would I live my life differently? If yes, can God be wrong?

In the same way that people say religion has down the world more bad than good, can the same be said for love?

If yes, is my duty to the world, or to myself?

Do we exist outside of ourselves? Do I exist outside of myself?

What causes the connection between two people? What causes the connection between one and not the other?

Where is the line between bad and good? Is one person's bad not another's good? Can there be, therefore, true good or true evil?

If I do not have a soul, an energy, a spirit beyond the explainations of science, how can I ask such questions? How can I be me?

What would it mean to simply be matter?

What is my place in the history of the world, the universe and time? Should I care?

At what point does life become life?

Why do I care so much about the thoughts of other people? As long as I remain true to what I believe I am, does it matter?

Why is it that the things which make me happiest often are those with the power to make me the sadest as well?

What is the meaning of family?

Why has society made it superficial to value beauty? What is wrong with admiring beauty?

Logically, what is immoral, impure or sinful about lust and sex? How is it possible for people to view sex as sin and not hate?

Why do we question? We do we as a species seek more than simple biological survival and reproduction?

It's funny. It's cliche.

But it seems

the more I know, the more I know I know nothing.

and that's okay.

According to iTunes:

I have listened to over 8.5 hours of Timbaland's "The Way I Are"

my top five songs are a total pop emo club sandwich:

Timbaland - The Way I Are
Dashboard Confessional - Stolen
Rihanna - Umbrella (ella ella eh eh)
City and Colour - Save Your Scissors
Kanye West - Stronger

By the way... I do listen to less embarrasing music too. for the record.

The Stills are in a tie with Timbaland for artist with most # of songs in Top 25.

I am such a walking contratiction.

Feeling shitty makes feeling better feel... better.

Wishlist for a guy trying to get back into his sport:

1 Road bike (for getting to and from the gorge)
1 Pair of biking gloves
1 Nutrition plan (convienent, yummy and healthy)
1 racing single for use in the afternoon
1 ounce of grade 10 motivation
nice weather

I know this is a long shot, but if anyone has any of the first two kicking around and is willing to lend/give/sell for a low price either that would help me a lot. I'm saving money for Uni. so I don't have a lot of free cash. I am going to try balancing coaching in the morning, having a full time (physical, outdoor) job, training, a relationship and maybe even more coaching in the evening come April.